First off, again, it's been too long since I posted, and for that I apologise to any of my regular readers if they exist. That little moment out of the way, here's something I've been thinking about a lot over the last couple of weeks.
We're strange, hypocritical creatures, humanity. I mean, when you really think about it, we're basically constantly being pulled between a series of conflicting urges: the things we want; the people we want; trying to be good; trying not to be bad; etc. These weird obsessions aren't present in any other animals, and they're never going to fully match up to what we can have or what the fates deem fit to grant us. Mankind's reach will always exceed his grasp. Some people view that as a sad thing and get all depressed about it, others accept it and let their imaginations comfort them - they might not be able to have all that they desire, but they can imagine what it would be like.
Anyhow, the last couple of weeks here at uni have all been about conflicting urges for me personally, in more ways than one. I've been studying Jekyll and Hyde, for a start. Also, my girlfriend went home for over a week, and there were a series of long and hardcore parties with my course-mates over that time. Can you see where I'm going with this yet...?
Now let me get one thing clear straight off the bat (and if you read my blog regularly you'll probably already sense this), I am 100% not a guy who would cheat on his girlfriend. Ever. I think cheats are disgusting, and you shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place if you aren't gonna respect a girl enough to not betray her trust. That being said, when it's over a week since you've last seen the girlfriend you're used to being around everyday and you're out with a load of your mates and the tequila,vodka, cider, etc doth flow, your mind is always going to stray to the lovely ladies dancing around you - it's human nature, and it's annoying as hell.
At the end of the night you're left with a weird mix of conflicting emotions. There's disappointment that nothing happened, coupled with the relief that you remained faithful (which it makes me sad to say is a quality slowly disappearing from the world it would seem), all curiously tinted by the disgust you feel at ever having let yourself check out that hot girl who was dancing near you for 25 minutes earlier on in the night.
This is what I mean, and what I've been thinking about quite a lot recently whilst my girlfriend's been in absentia. The grass will always be greener - that's a sad fact of the human condition. I guess it's something that the best of us come to terms with, accept as illusion and deal with, and the worst of us surrender ourselves to and let control us.
Matt out.
No comments:
Post a Comment